What do you do when people let you down? When they let you down for something that is really important to you? Something that you trust them with because you would trust them with your life and they let you down?
Sometimes you have to stop the hurting, and sometimes that hurting means leaving people that you love behind. Sometimes things are too much drama to hang out to.
I’m reflecting back on a time in my life before Finley was conceived. A time that was a very important time in my life when my family couldn’t be there and I needed my friends. And one friend that I thought I would have forever let me down. Perhaps she didn’t see it that way, but at the time it was hard for me to cope with. I was hurting and I made a choice. Nobody can know if it was the right or the wrong choice, but sometimes you make a choice that is the best you can make at a certain point in your life.
I don’t know if the person that I’m speaking about still reads this blog, but I know she has at least once in the past. I read something that she wrote tonight that hurt incredibly. I hope she knows what it is and I hope she reads this and I hope that she knows that I’m sorry for whatever part I might have played in hurting her. I never meant to hurt anybody, I only wanted to protect myself in a time when I was extremely stressed and incredibly vulnerable.
I wonder if sometimes I expect too much from people. If I put the people that I love up high on a pedestal and that when they don’t act how I would expect, I can’t cope with it. I don’t know. Is it some inherent flaw in me as a person? I like to think that I’m a caring and loving person. I hope that I am.
This is a rambly post. I don’t know why something that was written almost a year ago should bug me. But it does, and it hurts. Because what was said was based on an opinion defending somebody else when I was only doing the very best that I could in a shitty situation. I would never intentionally do something to hurt somebody else.
Just thought I’d share it for the record. And sometimes writing things down just helps to free my mind from the things that hurt but shouldn’t really matter. Why do I always care so much about what other people think?