Home. I’m not sure where it is anymore. The cliche is “Home is Where the Heart Is,” but what if pieces of your heart are scattered all around the world? And other pieces are no longer here?
I guess technically my home is Canada, and has always been Canada, but the longer I lived in the UK, the more my heart grew to love it there. The history, the culture, the attitude of the people – it began to feel as much like home as Canada, and possibly even more so.
When I met my husband and it was quickly apparent that we would end up spending our lives together, I knew that he would be my family and where he is would be my home. We adopted Jacob and became a little family. We got married, and things solidified even more. And then we moved to Italy and found out we were expecting Finley, and because that was his home, it began to feel like home for me too. We were a family, and my family was my home. I felt complete.
After Finley died, everything changed. I wanted to leave Italy because of all of the reminders. The entire country reminded me of my little Italian son and it hurt so much.
I’m now back in Canada, without my husband, without Jacob and without our son. I can’t wait until the day that we can all be back together without fear of having to live apart (always without Finley though). We are a few months away from all being together again for good, but the time is moving me towards togetherness.
And today, TODAY, I will be flying home. Home to my little family. And I am happy.
The only sad part of this trip will be flying into London after yesterday’s events. My heart grieves with the British. But at least I will be where my heart is <3
Can not wait to see these two.