Today is ten months since Finley was born. It has been a relatively normal day, and yet I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if Finley were here. I shared my musings on a forum today, and a fellow loss mama replied with “I think he would be a gorgeous chubby mini-Steve hon.” I reckon she’s right. I wonder how much he would like like his daddy, I wonder if he would have started to look more like me. I wonder what colour his eyes would have ended up, and if he’d be standing/walking yet. Would he be saying any words?
I don’t have a lot to say today, I feel quite numb actually. It’s strange how I alternate between feeling numb and feeling completely inconsolable. Perhaps the numbness is my body’s way of giving my mind a break from the overwhelming grief. Or perhaps I’ve been focusing so much on the big move today that it’s given me something else to focus on.
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