Remembering Finley

Today, I want to share a journal entry I made over at Babycentre while I was pregnant. I had the best of intentions to try and keep a pregnancy journal, but it just never happened. I so wish that I had now. This is the only entry I ever made.

“So today I am 11 weeks pregnant, and while each day has seemed like an eternity, it’s actually gone by pretty quickly since I found out just over 6 weeks ago. Today I am feeling as sick as can be. I am disappointed about this, as I had been feeling quite good for nearly a week. Really fed up with not enjoying this pregnancy and being able to get out and about and enjoy this beautiful country. We have our 12 week scan next Tuesday, and I’m really looking forward to seeing how much our bean has grown. The difference between 7+1 and 9+1 was amazing, so I expect that at 12+1 I will be seeing a proper little baby. I’m gutted DH can’t make it, but he will love to see the photos. I can tell he’s really excited about becoming a dad. Once we see everything is ok at the 12 week scan, we will start buying some of the baby things we need, though a lot of the buying will have to wait til the 20 week scan when we find out the sex. I’m starting to feel more at home here in Naples, and we’re slowly getting the house sorted out. I’m looking forward to our friends from the UK coming to visit at the end of the month…it’s really giving me something to work towards, a goal for having the house set up I suppose. It’s good to have things to look forward to, or else my days can sort of all meld into one big nauseous mess! We booked our flights to Canada about 10 days ago. I’m really looking forward to seeing all of my family and friends! And going to one of my oldest friend’s wedding. And for DH to meet everyone. How surreal it will be. Living in Canada feels like it was a completely different lifetime ago. It’s crazy how so much can change in such a short amount of time! Well I guess I will stop my rambling for now. I wish I’d started doing these journals sooner, because I think I will really enjoy looking back on them once the baby has arrived…will have to make more of a concerted effort from here on out. Ciao xx”

12 week ultrasound
Finley’s 12 week ultrasound.

It is so strange for me to look back on those words. Even at that early stage, I think a part of me thought that everything would be ok. We had already had two ultrasounds, and I remember reading that the chances of a miscarriage were a lot lower once you’d heard/seen the heartbeat.

Steve did end up getting to come with me to the 12 week scan. We also didn’t really buy anything at all until after our 20 week scan. In some ways it was so hard to believe that I really was pregnant until I felt him moving around in my tummy, and I felt that right around the 20 week mark as well.

I wonder if these reminders ever get easier to bear, and at the same time, I am so grateful that I have so many memories of my time with Finley. I wouldn’t change them for the world.

2 thoughts on “Remembering Finley

  1. Anonymous

    I follow your blog and am amazed at your strength, fly high little angel Finley xx

  2. Your unending love for Finley is so obvious in your writing. Truly inspirational and touching.

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