Sharing Finley with the world is my way of trying to make a difference. Whether it be to bridge the gap with other babylost parents so they feel less alone, reminding people not to take their loved ones and especially their children for granted, and for pregnant women to take notice of Finley’s story and use it as a reason to follow their instincts. It is so important for women to take notice of kicks and movements when they are pregnant, and to always get checked out if they are afraid something is wrong.
Hearing of tangible proof that Finley’s life has helped to create a positive outcome for another family and their baby was more amazing and incredible than I could have hoped. To know that by sharing our story, it has made the difference for somebody else is overwhelming, and it helps me to see that even though Finley died, there are some positives that will come from his life.
I was very surprised when I received the following message from a friend:
“I got a txt message saying “what symptoms should I be looking for for start of labour? I had severe lower tummy cramps for 10 whole minutes not a wave, constant pain then nothing. Any help?”
My friend and I were induced for our first children and I had another boy in April so she was asking if this was “normal” labour. It rang a little alarm bell in my head after hearing yours and our other angel pea story. I asked her to phone hospital she said it was fine and she didn’t need to so I txt back ‘I’ll pop round’. From this first message I had Finley and Logan in my mind.
I went round and she told me B had not really moved much since, so I asked her to phone maternity and she wouldn’t. I got her the usual ice cold drink and chocolate. There was still no movement. My friend was scared and just kept telling me that everything was fine. She kept saying “no ladies are being born today as daddy is away”. Her husband was working out of town.
I didn’t want to panic her but really wanted to take her to hospital to get checked. She kept saying no. By 11 she had barely felt any movement so had phoned her midwife who said she would come to the house. When the midwife arrived I left as the midwife asked me to and my friend did too so I went to a group. As I was leaving I phoned her other half and told him he needed to come home as the midwife was round and I was worried about E being alone.
After group I selfishly popped back round for my own peace of mind more than anything. E was still upset I could tell. I asked what the midwife had said. She said the midwife felt her stomach and said that B was engaged and that she felt fine. The midwife said she had felt movement. I asked what the heartbeat was like and apparently the midwife didn’t listen. I asked about B’s movements and she said she hadn’t felt anything since I left.
I was very worried by this point as it had been 4 hours since the random pain. I probably wrongly shouted at her as she was not listening to my polite pleas to get checked. I told her I WAS talking her to the hospital. She said no. I told her I didn’t want to scare her but two ladies I know had lost their babies and one even had a sharp pain and then reduced movements afterwards. I told her that both babies fought hard but died. I got sworn at and called evil for telling a pregnant person this. But by this stage she was in tears and agreed for me to take her in. I phoned the labour ward and told them we were coming in (she was 39 weeks). I took my baby and her toddler and bundled everyone into the car and with her suitcase. E was refusing to talk to me as it was my fault.
We arrived at hospital 20ish minutes later and she was strapped to a monitor. An anethnetist was called straight away to put a spinal in. B’s heart-rate was crazy, really high then dropping really low. The room filled with midwives and doctors.
I called E’s mum as her husband had not made it yet. The midwives were telling her they needed to deliver the baby now. I tried to be as calm and helpful as I could with getting E to cooperate but she was so angry (I think she was really just petrified). It was horrible. Everyone seemed to be panicking (midwives included). In hindsight I imagine it was just everyone trying to get everything done quickly and efficiently but as there were so many people in the room and nobody turned off the alarm it felt like mad panic.
In minutes a spinal was sighted and she was off to theatre being told if it hadn’t taken effect she would have to go under general anesthetic. I couldn’t go into theatre with her as I needed to stay with the children, (I had my 5 month old and her 2 year old as her mum and hubby had not yet arrived).
As she was getting wheeled through to theatre her husband arrived. Ten maybe fifteen minutes later I caught my first glimpse of B in an incubator. She had an oxygen mask on and looked very blue.
It as only when I saw J (her husband) come out that he told me that B had the cord wrapped around her neck and they think it was knotted. Her cord scores were ok but she would need to stay in an incubator. Then I got a hug and he burst into tears. I don’t know him that well but the relief was palpable.
E’s mum arrived shortly after and took E’s toddler home. I told John I was going and he said that the doctors said they had got her out in time and that she should be fine, but she would need to stay in an incubator.
The next day I got a visit from a lady I didn’t know. She knocked on my door, and when I said hello she burst into tears and hugged me. This turned out to be E’s mum.
I honestly don’t feel like I did anything to save this little girls life. It was Finley and Logan. Had I not read your birth story and had both angels ingrained in my mind, I may have thought nothing of it and trusted her midwife who said B was fine. She clearly wasn’t.
It is thanks to your angel that another little one is here safely. I had my first cuddles today. After a few days in the incubator and receiving some oxygen they were both allowed home.
I know this may seem like a random message but I honestly believe that you need to know that Finley had an impact on me and subsequently B as I don’t know how much longer she would have survived with the knotted cord.”
Reading the story had me in tears as it was so familiar and so scary. I’m so grateful that B is ok.
Thank you to my lovely sweet pea friend for sharing this story with me and letting me know that Finley has made such an impact.