I Carry Your Heart With Me

I can’t believe it, but we are already approaching the 6 month mark from when Finley was born. Since his service, we haven’t really done anything in his memory, and I’d really like to do something on his 6 month birthday. Ideally, it falls on a Sunday.
There has been talk of letting off balloons or lanterns, etc. but I just think I would like it to be something MORE…something bigger. I feel like nothing I do will be enough to show how much his life means to me, and that thought hurts. I feel like he deserves more to keep his memory alive.
Recently I’ve been thinking about where I’d like to have his final resting place. I quite like the idea of him having his own space, outside and somewhere beautiful. Realistically this decision needs to wait until we are settled somewhere more permanent. We have a move across the world planned. I need to know that wherever his place is, it is somewhere I will always be able to visit.
His ashes are currently on a shelf in our living room next to his photo, and a poem that his Auntie Sadie read at our wedding (I Carry Your Heart With Me by E.E. Cummings). I think that poem is just as relevant for Finley as it is for my husband and I.

i carry your heart by e e cummings
image borrowed from weheartit.com

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

7 thoughts on “I Carry Your Heart With Me

  1. Lisa I understand your feelings of not being able to do enough for your sweet Finley. I always feel like whatever I do is too small of a gesture in regards to my great love of my precious boy. I love the poem, and that it is extra special because it applies to both your husband and your precious son.

    I know you and your husband will find the perfect place to call Finley’s final resting place. I hope your move goes well. I will be praying for your move to go well. You are much braver than I, I cannot imagine moving clear across the world.

  2. Lisa I understand your feelings of not being able to do enough for your sweet Finley. I always feel like whatever I do is too small of a gesture in regards to my great love of my precious boy. I love the poem, and that it is extra special because it applies to both your husband and your precious son.

    I know you and your husband will find the perfect place to call Finley’s final resting place. I hope your move goes well. I will be praying for your move to go well. You are much braver than I, I cannot imagine moving clear across the world.

  3. That is such a lovely poem Lisa, thank you for sharing it with us. The words are so special xx

  4. We too want to do something big for Rhianna’s 6 months anniversary but neither of us know what to do. Hope that you think of something soon, and that poem is lovely xx

  5. Lisa,

    Everything you do is enough. Finley lives on through you and his memory is kept alive through your blog and your life. Whatever you do to remember your precious baby boy will be wonderful. Remember, on this journey, there is no right way to do anything.

    Thinking of you and sending you love,
    Annalee

  6. I have been thinking about something also.. We are doing a walk to remember and a butterfly release in September. Then on her 1 year angelversary we will do a lantern release. Not sure where or what yet but I want/need to do it. On Leia’s would be due date I got her feet prints tattooed on me and then my husband did the same. Hugs to you

  7. I love that poem.

    I hope you find the right thing to do to celebrate his life on the 6 month milestone. I know it will be tough, but filled with lots of love no matter what you decide.

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