I can’t believe it, but we are already approaching the 6 month mark from when Finley was born. Since his service, we haven’t really done anything in his memory, and I’d really like to do something on his 6 month birthday. Ideally, it falls on a Sunday.
There has been talk of letting off balloons or lanterns, etc. but I just think I would like it to be something MORE…something bigger. I feel like nothing I do will be enough to show how much his life means to me, and that thought hurts. I feel like he deserves more to keep his memory alive.
Recently I’ve been thinking about where I’d like to have his final resting place. I quite like the idea of him having his own space, outside and somewhere beautiful. Realistically this decision needs to wait until we are settled somewhere more permanent. We have a move across the world planned. I need to know that wherever his place is, it is somewhere I will always be able to visit.
His ashes are currently on a shelf in our living room next to his photo, and a poem that his Auntie Sadie read at our wedding (I Carry Your Heart With Me by E.E. Cummings). I think that poem is just as relevant for Finley as it is for my husband and I.
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)