There is a blog I follow, Finding Beauty Among the Ashes, and the author, Beth, also writes for Still Standing Magazine. I recently read one of her articles that really resonated with me, you can read it here.
I find that her question of “How will we stay friends with our friends who are pregnant?” is extremely relevant. I asked myself and my husband this question just hours after Finley died.
I spent a lot of time talking and sharing my hopes with one friend in particular who was a few months behind me in her pregnancy. We had plans for what we would do together with our babies. How they would be best friends growing up.
How would I then be able to face her, knowing my baby was dead and hers was still growing inside of her? She still had everything I wanted. It was devastating for me, but of course I would never wish this pain on her or anybody else. But seeing her would be like a constant reminder of what should have been.
Like Beth, I have been honest with my pregnant friends and friends with new babies – seeing them is very painful, but I am still hoping for healthy births and for their children to grow up happy.
I am seeing my pregnant friend today, so this topic seemed a perfect one to write about.
So far all of the babies I have seen since losing Finley have been girls. The friend that I will be seeing today doesn’t know the gender, and she is due next month. I am terrified that she will have a boy; I think that seeing a baby boy will be much harder than seeing girls.
I am thankful though, that for however hard it is for me to see my friends, and for them undoubtedly to see me, that they do still make an effort. Seeing them is healing in a way, because I know that while we are no longer walking the same path of motherhood, I still have something to offer and something to gain from these friendships, and that is what keeps me going in this time of grief.