My sweet boy you are everywhere I look. I was attempting to be productive and unpack, and it seems in everything you are there.
Sympathy cards, memory boxes, photos from the Naples Christmas do, a birthday card for daddy saying he’s a father to be, baby names books, parenting books, all of my knitting supplies with the super soft yarn I used to knit your things. Your urn in the living room. Yours toys in our bedroom.
Everything is a reminder of you, of what should be. It honestly shows how much we loved you, how much you were wanted. You were a part of every bit of our lives. You still are.
I still can’t believe that this isn’t one big nightmare that I’m not going to wake up from.
If you’re not still in my tummy with your bum poking out the top and your feet poking out the side, and you’re not here with me, how does anything make sense? How could have only had you for a moment? A moment that will never be enough.
As much as I would like the pain to ease, I don’t really want that. It would mean I’m moving past losing you, and I never will. I never want to. You are my perfect baby boy and always will be.
Sending all of my love to wherever you are,